dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize