the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
