There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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