I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
