It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize