I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No subtext here. People are naked.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
