it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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