Having a random hookup so left but love u
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
