his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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