Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
