you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
