Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
