You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
