apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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