i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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