Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
