You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
