I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
