if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
