I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
