i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
