I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
