You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
