You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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