I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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