i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
