so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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