how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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