Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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