my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize