I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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