I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
