Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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