i already hear my dad disowning me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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