JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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