You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
