i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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