My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
