I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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