I need help removing her.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
