You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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