So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
