We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
