I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
