watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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