he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
