Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize