My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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