i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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