a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
