So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
