cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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