we're blogging at a bar
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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