Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
