The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
