If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
wow bdsm is so cute
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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