don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
