There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
