All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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