he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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