it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
