I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
