everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
