is your mom at the bar?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize