I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
