between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
