Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
