Pregnant stripper...not hot.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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