She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
