saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
