I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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