Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
