I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
