youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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