im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
