Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
