Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
