You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
