We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
